I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
