Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
