You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
