you guys were way drunker than both of me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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