oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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