Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
