I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
