If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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