Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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