I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
