if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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