I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
