Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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