I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
