just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
