ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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