Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
