im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
