She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
