In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
