If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
