I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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