god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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