so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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