I accidentally had phone sex last night
I skipped work to stalk him.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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