I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My vagina just clenched in fear
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
