I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
