Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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