apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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