I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
