eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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