I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize