i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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