The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
