bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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