trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
