yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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