Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
