So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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