I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
