He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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