You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
