I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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