He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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