She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
