Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
