Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
