grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
