i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just found puke in my bra..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
