yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
only you would photoshop your dick
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
