at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
