did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
home. puking in laundry basket.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
