george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
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Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
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I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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