I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
