a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The adults are the big ones right?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
