scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We had sex on a dog bed..
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
