I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I want her autograph on my taint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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