With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
