Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
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The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She told me I should be a condom model.
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just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am available for nakedness
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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